Letter To All My Children

Six years ago, I started this blog in an effort to understand people, heart break, and everything in between. As much as I'd hate to concede, I have come to the conclusion that not only is heart break inevitable, it is necessary. Inspired by the letters of John Steinbeck, I write a letter to all my children:

I don't know what kind of troubles you may face in your life, but I know you will face troubles. I don't know in what ways your heart will break, but break it will, time and time again. As much as I'd like to tell you what to do to protect you from troubles and heart ache, you probably won't even listen. Even if you did, I would rob you from life lessons that will help you grow as a person. Nothing like first hand experience to teach you more about yourself and the world around you. What I can do is try and make sure you don't go through all that pain for nothing. The price of pain may be high but it could give you valuable insights, if only you allow yourself to recognize that.

It's highly unlikely to meet the right partner the first time around. In this day and age, people come with various amounts of baggage and various ways of unloading that baggage. Because we are complex human beings, with a natural fear of being alone, it requires a lot of time, a good deal of self awareness, and a whole lot of patience to really get an idea of whether this relationship is worth the emotional investment i.e. is there a chance you can build a stable, happy life together? In whatever agreed form of "stable, happy life" you both aspire to. The trick is, we don't exactly know these things instinctively. We are not born self aware. Self awareness is acquired. So that means to find a relationship that works, failed relationships are inevitable. Being alone is inevitable. It is a part of the journey. Consider every failed relationship a bullet dodged! Feel the pain, process it, learn from it and grow.

Even though you do not yet have 'the' successful relationship, you still have multiple deep, meaningful relationships with so many others in your life and they teach you a lot about yourself, too. In order to have 'the' healthy, happy, sustainable relationship we all deserve, we need to be well adjusted adults within ourselves with good, healthy relationships with those around us. Invest your time, energy and emotions in those relationships which you do have; the ones that enrich your life, the ones that surprise you, the ones that teach you more about the world and yourself. In a way, they are a prerequisite to being able to find a good life partner. In time, and after kissing a lot of fucking frogs, you will eventually find a frog that doesn't leave as bad an after taste as the others and live in peace knowing you will never have to experience that horrid after taste ever again.

Remember, you are always loved, more than you know. And even with that, it took a lot of shitty relationships to know, understand, and appreciate not what we want out of any relationship, but what we need. To make sure a relationship has a chance to last and withstand the shit storm that is life, make sure all your needs are met then look at your wants. We, as humans, are stubborn little shits. Someone telling us what we need will never work, not that anyone out there can ever really know what you need better than you. Settling should not be an option, which is why we gotta get out there and do the dirty work ourselves, practice the art of building healthy, meaningful and lasting relationships starting with family and friends as well as lovers. This is your life, only you can discover what your needs are in a life partner first hand. Unfortunately, the best way we stubborn little shits really learn is trial and error, so it won't be easy or pleasant. In fact, it's such a massive pain in the ass, you will often wonder what's the point of it all, why it happened to you, why it hurts so much, or why even bother trying. Love is a tricky, tumultuous thing. It is highly unlikely to get it right the first time around, so why even try to aspire to it? Why not accept the failure of your first few attempts to be very probable? Why not abolish the entire concept of "the one" and replace it with "the one right now". The one right now is the person you are getting to know, enjoy their company, etc who could perhaps graduate to "the one" one day. But until that has been proven, don't give too much of yourself. The more you do, the harder it will be if graduation gets cancelled.

Cheer up my love, this will only make you stronger and give you a better chance of the happiness you so greatly deserve 💓