Monday, January 30, 2012

Iz Hard!

Let's start by stating the obvious....this is my first post. I figured maybe I should start with an intro. Then I scrapped the idea and decided to get stuck in after saying one thing:
These are my thoughts on marriage in the Middle East.
Other than that, all will be explained as we go along, so I invite you to please read on....

Relationships are hard. Whatever kind of relationship it is, it is difficult. Acquaintances are difficult because you can never know exactly where the line is drawn, or why it is drawn there and who exactly drew it. Why can’t an acquaintance reach friendship status or how can I keep this acquaintance from becoming a full-fledged friend? If you are not a homeowner and you rent your property, you must know the difficulty in the landlord/tenant relationship. That very basic relationship could ultimately determine what your life in that property would be like, a bad one especially could possibly be very costly too! And don't get me started on roommates. 

Business relationships can be a bit funny to handle at times also. For example, co-workers are difficult because you don’t choose to be around them. You may or may not get along with the people you work with on daily basis, regardless you have to find that point where the relationship does not interfere with your professional performance. Business partners always have the potential to be shaky (mainly because there is money involved – yours AND theirs) especially if you started off as friends. 

Then we turn to that oh-so-wide spectrum of the ‘friends’ category. Describing a fraction of such relationships would need its own chapter or two (or ten). The point I’m trying to make here is that we as social beings have a distinct connection and relationship with each and every person in our lives. With most – such as the ones mentioned above – when faced with conflict, you can choose to walk away without so much as a scratch (business partners may incur monetary loss/gain through legal disputes and whatnot, but when that’s over you’re free!). Not necessarily walk away altogether, which is still always an option, but step back, re-adjust the boundaries of the relationship and move on, no hard feelings. Even without a conflict, it would be ok if you somehow drift apart, lose contact, life goes on.

One exception to this of course are familial relationships, some of which can be addressed similar to those previously mentioned, but others e.g. parents, not so much. The difference here being, at the end of the day, they are your family, your blood, like it or not you HAVE to put up with them. That notion helps accept not being able to completely walk away at times when that is precisely what you would want to do. Even so, the older you get the more distant you are with your family, especially once you start one of your own. That itself could relieve a bit of the strain on the relationships, if there is any.

With that said, imagine how possibly excruciating a relationship would be if it was with someone you don’t just share a home with, but a life, and possibly share a few little ones too. In my opinion, all this makes marital relationships the single most difficult type of human interaction to deal with. Through marriage, you are bound to this other person who was once a total stranger to you. Now this person is entitled to know you in ways no one else has; living under one roof, sharing a bed, sharing a home, building a family, building a life…together. With every other relationship, it can be said that you, as an individual, act as a whole within that equation, always maintaining ‘you’ as an entity. With marriage, you become part of a whole living together as one in harmony. There are those who insist on denying this for fear of losing ‘who they are’, but there is no need to be stubborn about it. This is only natural, having this balance where husband and wife – within themselves – are equally dependent on each other. This is not to say that couples should walk around as a single unit, living among the world as one person. This is strictly in terms of the nature of the relationship between the two parties, a notion we are to accept to fully be able to commit to another person. Just as the pious give themselves wholly to their God without question, as should husband and wife submit to each other (to a certain extent, I regret saying that already). And unless you feel like this is something you can do with the person you are marrying, you need to seriously reconsider such a decision and make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. 

Hence it makes this relationship all the more complex, one that is not to be taken lightly in any way. Until people begin to view marriage in such a complex light and appreciate the amount of personal sacrifice and compromise that comes with it, the world will continue to have failed marriages. Not to say that this view alone is the key to a successful marriage, but it sure is a start in the right direction. This is where the blog comes in. It was upon realizing the hugely underestimated complexity of marriage in our society that I decided to compile my thoughts on the matter. There are countless factors to consider upon marriage which, it seems, not many people adequately address. That, to me, is a scary thought! No relationship should be taken lightly, especially marriage...Iz Hard!