Let's make babies!

Some humor to start with (click CC for English subtitles)

It’s not all society’s fault though. It’s human nature to want to get married. Our animalistic instinct is to find a suitable mate to procreate. However, what sets us from the animals is (supposedly) al’aqil – our intelligence. We are civil beings and therefore have monogamous, committed relationships in order to procreate (actually, we have polygamous relationships too but that is something which in my personal opinion is a bit more animalistic). So that urge to settle down and start a family is only natural. Even without starting a family, it’s natural to want to share your life with another.

It does become a problem when people are so hell-bent on satisfying that urge, no matter what the cost. It is also a problem when trying to fight or suppress that ever-so-natural feeling. However people still manage to procreate without trying to satisfy, fight, or even acknowledge the urge, but I digress.

Hence fulfilling that urge is only natural, but it takes time and patience to do it right. If you feel the need for a life partner, make sure you carefully select the one you can actually share your life with, and you are at a point in your life where you are mature enough and ready to do so. If you are dying to have children, make sure it’s with someone who can care for and raise them with you in a way you would like to see your children raised. These aspects are often neglected in our society, settling for generic qualities of ‘a good partner’ when you must search for YOUR good partner.

Denying that urge is equally problematic. People tend to deny it when the limited options available to them is not exactly to their liking, and the powers that be – be it family or society etc. – would not accept anything other than those options. People may deny it believing they are better off without it, or refusing to settle. More often than not, those people who do deny it are likely those who know what they want in life best and refuse to settle for anything less, knowing that in doing so could possibly sentence them to a life of unhappiness. Is it fair for them to remain alone simply because the qualities of their partner have been set for them, and it is not what they want?

I have come to believe that our misconception of marriage and how we go about doing it has immense consequences. People have been settling to be unhappy, something that is relatively not a huge disaster if you compare it with all the woes of the world. But…it’s still not okay though. Being unhappy affects your conduct with the people around you, affects your performance at work, affects your ability to parent and raise children. Before you know it, someone in an unhappy marriage turns into a bitter, miserable person. Take that bitter and miserable person and give them children to raise. These children sometimes pay the price for their parents’ unhappiness, until they grow up to be bitter and miserable themselves and do the same with their children.  If people insist to stay in an unhappy marriage to save face or for whatever reason, I do not comprehend why they bring kids into the equation. People assume it makes things better, I don’t believe it ever did or even could. One of the reasons I believe finding a suitable partner is so important is to allow for a stable household to bring children into. If the adults are having issues, how on earth can an innocent child be expected to fix it?!