Bullshit

I've been lying in bed for hours now unable to stop crying. My heart aches. It aches for all the magnificent women I know who have been wronged by assholes, even for those I don't know. My heart aches for every girl who is brought up to believe the only thing she can amount to in life is marriage. It aches for every woman who is oblivious of her own self worth, subjecting herself to the will of a man who sees himself entitled to do as he pleases with no repercussions. It aches for all the smart, capable women robbed of opportunities because society doesn't see it fit for a young lady, as to not be too threatening to potential suitors. It aches for every woman who subjects herself to any kind of abuse because she has nowhere else to turn, because her children depend on it, even worse, because she believes she deserves it.

Living in a patriarchal society, women always get the short end of the stick. Even my own parents, who are relatively exceptional in this regard, I feel view me as an accessory. It doesn't matter what I have done, what I have achieved, what I am capable of. All that matters is that I am appealing. The older I get, the more they give up on the idea. Sometimes I feel like an old dog they don't have the heart to put down, so they just continue to feed and shelter me till I die. My whole life, what I can and can't do, is not dictated by morals or principles but by public opinion. I continue to fight tooth and nail but I am seen as unruly, insolent and impertinent.

Do I forever have to live on the sidelines waiting for someone to finally see me as a suitable mate? Is my life eternally on hold until someone puts a ring on my finger? Is my value forever tied to a man?

I have a coworker who gets really peeved when women demand equal rights and still demand being treated as a lady (as if being polite has always somehow been compensation for the rights we don't have). This topic is always a very heated discussion in the office. I work in a heavily male dominated field and I am not one to shy away from a discussion on women's rights. When I stated that it's not right for a grown woman to go from being the responsibility of her father to the responsibility of the husband as if we are eternally children, another coworker expressed sympathy for the poor schmuck who gets stuck with me.

If I am an adult, I don't need a man to tell me what I can and can't do. So long as I live with my father, he has a say in everything. I'm blessed with a father that does listen to reason - so long as social expectation falls within that reason. Yet if I'm married, it is my husband, and at that point my father supposedly stops caring? I entrust my life, my wellbeing, my future, to someone I barely know and that's okay to people? My father has every right to have a say in my life, he gave me life! What right does this stranger have to do so? Especially when all I see is how incompetent men have become in this aspect. They no longer have much regard to anyone but themselves. They make a call based on convenience and impose it. They no longer take accountability for their actions and expect us to accept that. "I can cheat because I'm a man, and even if I get caught, society will forgive me, she will forgive me, and life goes on". What's that? Children born out of wedlock? Shotgun marriages, and second and third and fourth marriages to cover it up? Oh silly Arab man, you're so silly with your wandering penis and total disregard to anyone other than yourself. But here, take our daughters, break their hearts, beak their spirits, break their bones, and bring them back in pieces so they can spend the rest of their lives undoing this damage only to make her realize too late that she can survive without you.

I explained that I refuse to be treated like a child, and marriage does not mean I surrender myself to a man completely. However one of my coworkers seemed to have a problem with that, as if expecting to have a mature relationship with my husband where we make decisions together and he doesn't decide things for me is a preposterous idea. His response was "God help whoever you end up marrying". I refuse to succumb to the pressures of society. Call it whatever you like, I call bullshit. This is all total bullshit. I will continue to do so until my dying day.

P.S. Anyone planning to hit me with a "not all men are like that" can save their breath. I know they're not, it's only the vast majority I'm talking about here.

The Pursuit of Fun

There were many moments in my life where I felt myself in a moral dilemma where my decision did not reflect what I thought right to do. Then I convinced myself that the 'right thing to do' is a concept ingrained in your mind as a result of the environment you grew up in, so just do whatever you want because what you want to do is not wrong, then it must be right. But then again I would ask myself; why do I feel so guilty?

This past weekend I had an epiphany of sorts. I flew out to visit family with my sister. Usually these family visits would include our mother, are almost always very brief and rushed, and I always try to make time to do something that I want to do such as see a friend or go to a particular store or cafe. These side activities I do with at least a cousin so I feel I'm still fulfilling my duty of spending time with family while doing what I want, but in that time I am away from the vast majority I supposedly came to see. Allow me to express that I love my family, from the depths of my heart, regardless of how we may differ. Their joy brings me joy and their grief brings me grief; genuine, no-strings-attached love. I have a character flaw in that I want to do too many things with too many people and I never seem to sort myself out well enough to give everyone their due, but don't you dare decide for me - with force - what to do or who to see. I believe I know well enough to fulfill my duties towards the people in my life, but in reality knowing is not enough. I don't do much of what I know I should do. The thought would cross my mind and at that moment I would just rather be doing something else so I put it in the back of my mind. In the words of Mr. Lamar: Bitch, don't kill my vibe.

I've always asked myself whether I am too preoccupied with the pursuit of fun that I am not able to appreciate other things life has to offer. I don't know what happened this past weekend, but I think I managed to crack the case. I managed to spend quality time with the people I loved and have fun doing it. And true to form it was brief and rushed but at least it happened. I came back home with a euphoric feeling, in addition to missing them all immensely. And I realized what made this trip different was that I was more present; my mind wasn't thinking about being back at work in a couple days or that fight I had with my friend before I left or that thing I had to do for my mom when I got back.

That's when it hit me; the pursuit of fun is merely a distraction. Although it is easy to be present when you are having fun, it's not easy being present all the time or even most of the time, especially during those not-so-pleasant times. It's not that you shouldn't seek to have fun, by all means enjoy yourself! But enjoy the other moments too. Even in times of sorrow, reaching out to someone in their time of need with something as simple as a brief phone call is a moment, enjoy it! Even if you don't know what to say and how to act, be present and let it be genuine, enjoy it! So long as you have the right intentions, I am almost certain whoever is before you will sense that and appreciate it. With every moment, there is potential for connection. Human connection is so vital and we are so starved that we need it from wherever we can find it. Genuine human interactions with genuine emotions. It could be something as simple as complimenting the guy behind the check-out counter on his funky glasses, or laughing with the random woman on the street whose dog decided to sit down in the middle of the road. Just know how much to give to each person.

Don't give too much to those who don't deserve it. Be kind, be polite, be considerate, be friendly, but the real stuff, the go-out-of-your-way-to-make-them-smile stuff is not for everyone. I have reached a point in my life where if I don't believe you deserve certain things of me; I ain't gonna do it. It is such a liberating feeling. And this varies from person to person. One person I would jump through hoops to find the exact kind of chocolate they love, with another person the rope ends at casual conversation when we accidentally bump into each other at the mall. It's nothing personal. All are nice people, but not all nice people deserve my all. Just because I know you and you are a nice person, does not mean I need to remember to wish you a happy birthday every year (for example). Social obligations got too much for me and I could not keep track. So I got sick of feeling guilty for neglecting people in my life who I genuinely did not have the time of day to even think about, nor should I make time! Although I do like these people, and it would please me to see them, I'm just not gonna go out of my way to do it because simply put, I owe them nothing. Others though, I owe them everything. It's a pretty wide spectrum, to the point you could categorize people depending on how close they are. The spectrum is flexible; over time people can move along the spectrum in either direction. It's like a live document that needs regular updating. A good way to look at it is this; if something amazing happened to you, who would you want there to celebrate with you? Even then, who would you want to spend all night on the dance floor with and who do you only want for a dance or two? I genuinely believe that the people who matter in your life most - depending on life circumstances - will almost always be right there for you when it counts, or at least will always want to be there for when life simply does not permit it.

“Don’t sacrifice yourself too much, because if you sacrifice too much there’s nothing else you can give and nobody will care for you.” ― Karl Lagerfeld

Apologies for the digression. Good night for now.

The Knight in Shining Armor & the Damsel in Distress

When a certain idea has been continuously shoved at your psyche throughout the years, I can understand how it is difficult to stray from it. The idea of the man being some supreme savior to the poor, helpless woman is one that has been depicted in any and every way, shape and form. It would make sense for both genders to somehow feel obligated to play their respective roles even when it is against their personal nature.

Let's face it, not all men could be classified as a 'knight in shining armor'. They are human, they are flawed, and not each and every man should be expected to somehow fit the bill of the strong protector. And once we all can agree on that, instead of having false expectations of men - and men having false bravado to go with the hardware - we could get along a whole lot better. Likewise, not all women are in need of rescuing, so stop trying to save us. And ladies, stop playing the victim!! Stop waiting around for someone to save you; you are not trapped in a high tower with no way out. You need saving, start by trying to save yourself. Even if you did need saving, and he did save you, he sure as hell doesn't need to know it. You are facing difficulties in your life, as is everyone else, you are an adult and you have learned to deal, and that is what you need to show him. Otherwise, if he has taken you away from a place you do not wish to return, he just might abuse that knowledge and use it against you.

I don't know if it's deliberate, I don't know if it is insecurity, I don't know if it is some unavoidable byproduct of love, but if a man knows he has saved you from what you perceived to be a life of misery, or simply a life you were not too happy with, he somehow will come back around and hang it over your head. Whether directly - in the form of constant reminders - or indirectly - abusing you knowing you have nothing better to go back to - I have seen men use this against women a little too often. Men may do this unknowingly, but it does not make it any less despicable. Regardless of what you did for the person you love, the moment you start keeping score and start resenting your partner for it, you may start saying/doing things you regret.

No one asked you to be the almighty savior, you assigned yourself that role. And if you aren't able to play that part, don't blame it on the damsel. Especially nowadays when damsels are more tolerant to distress and don't need saving as much as before. And ladies don't give yourself entirely to a man expecting he will always put you first, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

When you love someone, and you need them, it seems all too dangerous to me. Loving them and wanting them in your life seems to be a safer scenario for me. Expectations need to be managed for sure. Don't rush to give too much of yourself to one person; soon enough you will realize you have no more of yourself to give, and nothing left for yourself either. That person needs to prove they are worthy of your time, effort, affection, compassion, love. Otherwise, the love you give so easily could be taken for granted somehow, someway, someday.

If you have all this pent up love waiting for the right person to just dump it all on, I have a solution for you. Look around. Look at the many people in your life; from family to friends to acquaintances to the guy at Starbucks you see every time you get your morning coffee. All those people won't say no to a little love. So rather than bottling it up for the next girl/guy who holds your hand, spread the love. When I say love here I mean it in the human, universal sense; the kind of love you find in a genuine smile. It is healthier to distribute your love and with it your attention than to have it solely focused on one person. No one person can possibly live up to all that attention without disappointing you and hurting you in the process.

For starter's, you are less likely to scare that person off, not everyone wants to get suffocated like that. Also, you are less likely to get sick of each other. You don't lose touch with the important people already in your life. You don't resent each other down the line when you realize you've been so caught up and cut off that the rest of your world has moved on without you.

A person distracting you from your troubles doesn't spell 'happily ever after' to me. When you're looking for someone to love, try to focus less on the distress and more on finding someone who makes you a better version of yourself, whether directly or indirectly, and for that betterment to be mutual. We are all in need of saving in one way or another, it should not be held against us, ever, least of all by the people we love. 

The XX Supremecy

I'm a believer in Karma, which leads me to believe I must have caused someone severe heart ache for me to be going through it myself right now. The weird thing is it has been broken by someone before it was ever theirs to break.

For well over a year, I've been going through some sort of existential crisis because of this. It hit me way out of left field. I did not want it to happen, I did not enjoy it, I miss the person I was and that person would be disgusted at my current state. It was a bubble of emotional confusion, and I'm still struggling to make sense of it all, even more so to just get over it.

I don't know why or how, but I developed what I assume are feelings for someone. I assume because I can't and don't want to say with absolute certainty that it was so. I had no reason to feel for this person, in the sense that he gave me no window to do so. The sad/odd part is I genuinely didn't expect him to feel the same way; all I wanted was for him to let me care for him even if that meant he didn't care for me, I didn't need him to care. I tried to deny it, resist it, convince myself otherwise, forget about it, resolve it, confront it, hide from it, distract myself, run away, talk about it, cry about it, sing about it, and now I'm writing about it, all in an effort to understand. My friends are more than fed up about it all, I can see it. If only they knew just how exponentially fed up I was about it.

Every time I feel myself getting  better, I spontaneously break down for what usually is no reason at all other than perhaps the sporadic pang of heart ache. I don't know what I could possibly have done to someone to feel this hurt for this long. I don't think I've ever felt so inexplicably drawn to someone yet simultaneously feel so dejected and wildly unwanted by the same person. All the advice I've ever given anyone regarding these issues I know and believe in wholeheartedly yet it won't make the pain go away.

I've struggled spiritually, professionally, socially, mentally, physically, just to try to understand and make sense of how I feel; for starters why him? Why this strong? Why so long? It got to the point where I started to think to myself well maybe it's because I'm not pretty enough or not smart enough or not slim enough or not tall enough or not old enough or too old or not wealthy enough or not fit enough or not white enough or not dark enough.

It was at this point that the words "well, FUCK YOU" exploded out of me. Fuck you for making me feel this way. Fuck you making me doubt my awesomeness. Fuck you for making me feel less than I am. Fuck you for every time I cried over you. Fuck you for every effort I mistakenly made to reach out to you. And fuck me for caring. I stupidly thought it was worth it, that deep down there is a good, honest man, that he was worth it. And I stupidly let him prove to me time and time again that he really isn't worth a fraction of it, yet still I managed to persuade myself by using every possible excuse known to man; he has been deeply hurt, he is deeply stressed, he is deeply depressed, he is recluse, he is shy, he is stupid, he is busy, he is tired, he is sick, he is the Fucking president of the United States deciding the fate of nations while attending a charity event to sponsor those he himself decided to leave in destruction, famine, and turmoil in favor of creating chaos elsewhere to drain their resources while nobody was looking yet where everybody can see!!!

I hate men for this very reason. Listen here gentlemen, don't take a woman's love for granted thinking that you are the shit. All. Women. Settle. At least the ones who are straight. No man is worth half what women are willing and able to give to them, but women give it because they are nurturing by nature, and cannot leave a poor soul - like that of a man - be left to wander alone. But you know what ladies, it's our fault for settling. It's because we've been settling all along, we've been making it too easy for them so they just progressively try less and less. I think it's high time for a revolution ladies, but it will only work if ALL women agree to do this. We must stop settling. We must make the man work to prove himself; work on himself, on his life, on his relationships, on his career, on his health and most importantly on his mind.... everything, to prove he is worthy of our love. No more excuses, no more cutting corners, no more enabling men to be lesser versions of themselves. They. Must. Work! Otherwise I'm gonna dig up my receipt and go straight to the corner store for a refund. We've put up with far more than enough, I imagine. It's high time they step aside and we show them how we, women, run things. We are made to be the weaker, inferior half of society. Bull. Shit. Women are not equal to men at all because they are, in fact, far more superior. We are able to create life inside our own bodies for 9 months; a creature feeding off all our energy and still you see us running around getting shit done just like the men are doing. That ability alone is proof. No need to bring out the list of evidence - long long list I may add-  I believe that alone is enough to win the case.

So ....ladies.....you in? 😁

To be continued.....enough bitter truths for one evening.

Well, Who Are They?

" كلكم لآدم وآدم من تراب "

- النبي محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم

You are all Adam's offspring, and Adam was created from clay

- Prophet Mohammed peace be upon him 

Discrimination, for any reason, is an ugly thing. We are all guilty of believing stereotypes, even creating our own in our minds. It may be true to you, through your narrow experiences, and sometimes difficult to dispute when a lot of evidence seems to support such stereotypes. It is a trap of sorts; some may hate to do it but surely we cannot deny there is some extent of truth, otherwise the correlation would not have existed.

It's difficult to justify to myself when I have fallen victim to this trap countless times. As much as I hate to generalize, I find myself doing so anyhow. For whatever reason, our brains seem to gather the entirety of experience and exposure to categorize people. Perhaps it makes understanding people better, or dealing with people easier, if you are able to classify them to some extent. So would it be wrong then? If it is not meant to pass judgement, merely a benchmark to use in your personal life, is it acceptable then or am I still discriminating?

Is it okay to use your limited life experience with a certain group to describe the entire group? To generalize on a whole group based on the actions of a few? To what extent do we allow such stereotypes to affect how we see an individual?

I'm trying to view this as realistically as I possibly can. Stereotypes - whether predetermined by environment or created on your own accord - are hard to avoid. I would like to say unavoidable because I personally cannot rid my mind of them, but I won't because I still have a sliver of hope in humanity. But I still believe that as unavoidable as it may seem, there are limits as to how far you let that allow you to unfairly pass judgement on people solely based on such stereotypes. No matter how consistently the stereotype has been proven true to you, there will always be exceptions. I do love meeting the exceptions, they are the spice of life. A gentle reminder that you have not seen or heard it all. And if you allow the stereotype to take over you will truly be missing out.

Despite mental predisposition to pass judgement on people based on stereotypes, or even worse based on nothing, no one should see it as okay to impose such views on others. If you want to say everyone is entitled to an opinion, if you want to regard this as an opinion, then fine. But in this case, keep it to yourself please. Don't spread such poisonous thoughts as if it is the word of God. Even worse still when people use the word of God to justify such poisonous thoughts! God is great, he created us all, and I am sure us hating on each other we did purely on our own without the need of divine intervention.

It makes me wonder; as much as cultural differences between people are celebrated, is it not these very differences that cause divisions among people? I personally see cultural differences as a beautiful thing, but people sometimes take their culture as a form of superiority above others, religiously so. Culture slowly becomes some form of dogma for the elite.

Who's to say what is considered superior?! Who gets to decide? Such vain notions will do you no favors. And if these are notions of those around you, they can eat your dust. Why succumb to the insecurities and intolerance of such small-minded people? Don't let it dictate your life; if you do so to please others, they will never be pleased. The sad reality is that people will always find things to criticize, things to talk about, things to misconstrue. What you do to please one group of people, will likely disappoint another. You will never win and only you will ever pay the price for it. Is it worth the sacrifice; jumping through hoops just for the approval of a group of people who are unlikely to have your best interest at heart to begin with? Think of those who actually matter, those whose happiness are directly linked to your own. Those people will want the best of you regardless of whether they agree or not, because they love and support you no matter what.

The truth of the matter is I am no better than any other schmuck, unless he eats babies or something. Everyone walking this Earth has a story that you don't know about, a story that made them who they are, who they will become. Each person's life has formed them as a person, and we must respect that. We are all different in so many ways, but I bet there are a lot more ways we are similar if we think about it. A beautiful initiative started by Brandon Stanton called "Humans of New York" shows exactly that and so much more (now sponsored by the UN on a journey of 10 countries to raise awareness for the United Nations Millennium Development Goals). As hard as it is to respect the difference in those who are very different, I try, knowing full well that I am unlikely to be paid similar respect. At least I can say I tried, and I will continue to try, until someone threatens to eat my babies.

The Value of Vulnerability

Many people view vulnerability as a sign of weakness, but I see it as incredibly human. It is not possible for us to be 'strong' all hours of the day for starters. Doing so may lead to a major crash and burn. I feel we sometimes expect too much of ourselves, myself included. We're always told to 'be strong' or 'toughen up'. But there are times when shit just hits the fan and you need to allow yourself to break; the sooner you break, the sooner you can build yourself up again. Holding it back will only make it fester and grow inside into an ugly monster that will slowly, but surely, consume you.

I find a little vulnerability goes a long way, even in every day life. It makes you more accessible. I actually believe that I have landed jobs by allowing myself to be vulnerable. It comes off more genuine than a false bravado, and I'd like to believe people appreciate that. I know I do. However allow me to highlight the difference between showing vulnerability and being downright needy; I find needy people to be one of the most off-putting because they are constantly looking for someone else to fix them rather than attempting to fix themselves. It's a viscous cycle that is set up to fail because they are so dependent on others to prop them up, and no one can possibly do that constantly for someone else. And down in the dumps they go until they find another poor soul to latch on to for support.

Know and understand your limitations; accept that there are things beyond your control and more importantly, have faith. Things may be bad today but they won't be bad every day. Rather than hiding from the world in your moment of weakness, trust that people will not eat you alive for it, especially those near and dear to you. The longer you hide from the world, the deeper into the pit of despair you go until one day it is too difficult to climb out. Allow yourself to be vulnerable around those you love and love you. Reach out and let them know you need them. More importantly, do not turn them away when they sense something and reach out to you instead. They are reaching out because they care, but they will not reach out forever. If someone in need reaches out, I don't think anything would hurt more than to turn them away in whatever fashion. Which is why perhaps people tend to shy away from the whole thing out of fear that in their time of need, no one will be there for them, and that is a harsh reality to face at a time like that. I have honestly have found solace in the most unlikely places, even from honest, well-intentioned strangers who were at the right place at the right time.

I personally get upset when I try reaching out to someone I know is down with no success. I understand it may be hard, but the way I see it, if you're not ready to come out just say so, but promise you will let me know once you're ready. When I make a genuine effort with someone, this is me being vulnerable to allow you to feel comfortable doing the same. More often than not it works. But when it doesn't, it really hurts. Some say I get over-sensitive about it and I tried to understand why. I am beginning to think that showing someone you care for them is in itself a form of vulnerability. So when you extend a helping hand and you come back with a handful of shit, it's not very nice. But then again, when you successfully get a response, it is incredibly rewarding and humbling. So I put up with the odd handful of shit every once in a while knowing that it will be worth it every other time.

What I find very strange is that I see this mostly with couples. A lot of people refuse to be vulnerable towards their significant other, which I think is preposterous. However, I do understand why, and it is a sad reality. It is not easy giving another person so much power over you. They know you love them, and they supposedly love you too, you two know each other well enough to know what buttons to push, and there is a speck of fear that one of you will push those buttons. So what ends up happening is they guard themselves against each other for fear of getting hurt, which I think is incredibly sad and no way to live. 

It begs the question; if you are constantly in fear that the person you are with may hurt you with what he/she knows will destroy you, are you with the right person? Or is it something that lovers must always endure?

Is the solution to never be vulnerable around each other? Or are we doomed to experience the pain it may cause?

I, for one, have tired of trying to constantly appear strong and in control. A little vulnerability does go a long way, and I have been able to truly connect with some of the most truly interesting and genuine people because of it. It is an immensely gratifying feeling, almost addictive, and I truly feel there is real value in that kind of connection which is very much worth letting your guard down around the right people. With time, you will be able to detect who those people are in a heartbeat. 

Be A Man

What does it mean to be a man?

What do I perceive as manly qualities?

I began to delve into this topic and found myself conflicted. Ideally, I know that today's idea of a 'man' is greatly deformed, but I find myself drawn to those stereotypical qualities. 

So I took some time to rid myself of these preconceived notions and start afresh. 

What do I, myself, see to be a man?

Humanity. First and foremost. On the most basic level, I don't want to sense there is a difference between man and woman. We are all human before we start to break ourselves down into groups and races and nationalities. When I see a man and sense he stands before me as a human, and views those around him as fellow humans, I can then perhaps describe him as a 'man'. 

Empathy. Being able to feel and try to understand what goes on within and beyond. There is something robotic and frightening about someone who is unable to feel for anyone other than themselves, if they feel at all. Although, not giving into feeling is promoted as a manly quality, it is this very trait that gives birth to dominating, abusive, egocentric, even violent and evil men. There is comfort being in the company of a man who allows himself to feel, and also be felt. It is not easy to be that vulnerable but it is beautiful and refreshing to see, and humbling to be able to see that side. 

Humility. Man's greatest downfall is the ego. How it manages to get so self-inflated sometimes is beyond me. There's nothing more unappealing then egocentricity. Not to say one should be insecure, that is probably slightly less unappealing than a big ego. Confidence is important. Being able to recognize your self worth and believe in your ability is crucial. But don't taint that confidence by making yourself the center of the world. The world is vast, you are but a tiny speck, but you are a speck nonetheless. 

Authenticity. Being open, honest and sincere by default. No ulterior motives. No hidden agendas or meanings. Oh how simpler the world would be if people allowed themselves to be genuine.  

Loyalty. Not to a a particular family, faction, flag or faith. Loyal to those around you, those directly involved in your life, those who deserve it. Loyalty to your values, ideals and beliefs (key word being your). Being able to consider more than just yourself, your wants and needs. 

Commitment. When you say something, you mean it. When you do something, you get it done. Being 'a man of your word'. Not to be an overachiever, but to know and understand your abilities and your limits. Know what needs to be done and what it is you can do to get there. Know when to draw the line and when to push forward. Know that giving up should not be an option unless all other options have been exhausted. 

Responsibility. Towards your fellow man. Towards your planet. Towards yourself. Towards your loved ones. Having a deep sense of duty and living up to it. You are accountable for your words and your actions so bloody act like it.

Kindness. Such an underrated quality but it goes such a long way. Be kind to those around you. Be kind to total strangers. Don't underestimate the importance of being a gentleman in the true sense of the word. Not in an effort to get laid, just for the sake of being a decent human being.

Respect. Before you demand respect, make sure you deserve it. It would be a start to respect others; their thoughts, beliefs, ideas, actions, even if they may conflict with yours. Who are you to judge? As long as they do not harm you then what reason do you have to disrespect them?

As I go over the list in my mind I realize these very attributes are universal. They are not limited to a single gender. Nor should they be. Man, woman, we should not be measured any differently. Going through this was a healthy exercise for me. Not only did I compile a list of what I look for, it is a list of qualities I aspire to embody. I imagine the list is subject to expand and/or change, but it's a start.

Oh men of the world, before you go pounding your chest and grunting, rethink what it is beyond your anatomy that truly makes you a man. And ladies, start to appreciate these qualities a little more. Get it out of your head that the bad boy will somehow be good for you. It's in the name, he will be bad for you, and this boy will be no 'man'.