The XX Supremecy

I'm a believer in Karma, which leads me to believe I must have caused someone severe heart ache for me to be going through it myself right now. The weird thing is it has been broken by someone before it was ever theirs to break.

For well over a year, I've been going through some sort of existential crisis because of this. It hit me way out of left field. I did not want it to happen, I did not enjoy it, I miss the person I was and that person would be disgusted at my current state. It was a bubble of emotional confusion, and I'm still struggling to make sense of it all, even more so to just get over it.

I don't know why or how, but I developed what I assume are feelings for someone. I assume because I can't and don't want to say with absolute certainty that it was so. I had no reason to feel for this person, in the sense that he gave me no window to do so. The sad/odd part is I genuinely didn't expect him to feel the same way; all I wanted was for him to let me care for him even if that meant he didn't care for me, I didn't need him to care. I tried to deny it, resist it, convince myself otherwise, forget about it, resolve it, confront it, hide from it, distract myself, run away, talk about it, cry about it, sing about it, and now I'm writing about it, all in an effort to understand. My friends are more than fed up about it all, I can see it. If only they knew just how exponentially fed up I was about it.

Every time I feel myself getting  better, I spontaneously break down for what usually is no reason at all other than perhaps the sporadic pang of heart ache. I don't know what I could possibly have done to someone to feel this hurt for this long. I don't think I've ever felt so inexplicably drawn to someone yet simultaneously feel so dejected and wildly unwanted by the same person. All the advice I've ever given anyone regarding these issues I know and believe in wholeheartedly yet it won't make the pain go away.

I've struggled spiritually, professionally, socially, mentally, physically, just to try to understand and make sense of how I feel; for starters why him? Why this strong? Why so long? It got to the point where I started to think to myself well maybe it's because I'm not pretty enough or not smart enough or not slim enough or not tall enough or not old enough or too old or not wealthy enough or not fit enough or not white enough or not dark enough.

It was at this point that the words "well, FUCK YOU" exploded out of me. Fuck you for making me feel this way. Fuck you making me doubt my awesomeness. Fuck you for making me feel less than I am. Fuck you for every time I cried over you. Fuck you for every effort I mistakenly made to reach out to you. And fuck me for caring. I stupidly thought it was worth it, that deep down there is a good, honest man, that he was worth it. And I stupidly let him prove to me time and time again that he really isn't worth a fraction of it, yet still I managed to persuade myself by using every possible excuse known to man; he has been deeply hurt, he is deeply stressed, he is deeply depressed, he is recluse, he is shy, he is stupid, he is busy, he is tired, he is sick, he is the Fucking president of the United States deciding the fate of nations while attending a charity event to sponsor those he himself decided to leave in destruction, famine, and turmoil in favor of creating chaos elsewhere to drain their resources while nobody was looking yet where everybody can see!!!

I hate men for this very reason. Listen here gentlemen, don't take a woman's love for granted thinking that you are the shit. All. Women. Settle. At least the ones who are straight. No man is worth half what women are willing and able to give to them, but women give it because they are nurturing by nature, and cannot leave a poor soul - like that of a man - be left to wander alone. But you know what ladies, it's our fault for settling. It's because we've been settling all along, we've been making it too easy for them so they just progressively try less and less. I think it's high time for a revolution ladies, but it will only work if ALL women agree to do this. We must stop settling. We must make the man work to prove himself; work on himself, on his life, on his relationships, on his career, on his health and most importantly on his mind.... everything, to prove he is worthy of our love. No more excuses, no more cutting corners, no more enabling men to be lesser versions of themselves. They. Must. Work! Otherwise I'm gonna dig up my receipt and go straight to the corner store for a refund. We've put up with far more than enough, I imagine. It's high time they step aside and we show them how we, women, run things. We are made to be the weaker, inferior half of society. Bull. Shit. Women are not equal to men at all because they are, in fact, far more superior. We are able to create life inside our own bodies for 9 months; a creature feeding off all our energy and still you see us running around getting shit done just like the men are doing. That ability alone is proof. No need to bring out the list of evidence - long long list I may add-  I believe that alone is enough to win the case.

So ....ladies.....you in? 😁

To be continued.....enough bitter truths for one evening.

Well, Who Are They?

" كلكم لآدم وآدم من تراب "

- النبي محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم

You are all Adam's offspring, and Adam was created from clay

- Prophet Mohammed peace be upon him 

Discrimination, for any reason, is an ugly thing. We are all guilty of believing stereotypes, even creating our own in our minds. It may be true to you, through your narrow experiences, and sometimes difficult to dispute when a lot of evidence seems to support such stereotypes. It is a trap of sorts; some may hate to do it but surely we cannot deny there is some extent of truth, otherwise the correlation would not have existed.

It's difficult to justify to myself when I have fallen victim to this trap countless times. As much as I hate to generalize, I find myself doing so anyhow. For whatever reason, our brains seem to gather the entirety of experience and exposure to categorize people. Perhaps it makes understanding people better, or dealing with people easier, if you are able to classify them to some extent. So would it be wrong then? If it is not meant to pass judgement, merely a benchmark to use in your personal life, is it acceptable then or am I still discriminating?

Is it okay to use your limited life experience with a certain group to describe the entire group? To generalize on a whole group based on the actions of a few? To what extent do we allow such stereotypes to affect how we see an individual?

I'm trying to view this as realistically as I possibly can. Stereotypes - whether predetermined by environment or created on your own accord - are hard to avoid. I would like to say unavoidable because I personally cannot rid my mind of them, but I won't because I still have a sliver of hope in humanity. But I still believe that as unavoidable as it may seem, there are limits as to how far you let that allow you to unfairly pass judgement on people solely based on such stereotypes. No matter how consistently the stereotype has been proven true to you, there will always be exceptions. I do love meeting the exceptions, they are the spice of life. A gentle reminder that you have not seen or heard it all. And if you allow the stereotype to take over you will truly be missing out.

Despite mental predisposition to pass judgement on people based on stereotypes, or even worse based on nothing, no one should see it as okay to impose such views on others. If you want to say everyone is entitled to an opinion, if you want to regard this as an opinion, then fine. But in this case, keep it to yourself please. Don't spread such poisonous thoughts as if it is the word of God. Even worse still when people use the word of God to justify such poisonous thoughts! God is great, he created us all, and I am sure us hating on each other we did purely on our own without the need of divine intervention.

It makes me wonder; as much as cultural differences between people are celebrated, is it not these very differences that cause divisions among people? I personally see cultural differences as a beautiful thing, but people sometimes take their culture as a form of superiority above others, religiously so. Culture slowly becomes some form of dogma for the elite.

Who's to say what is considered superior?! Who gets to decide? Such vain notions will do you no favors. And if these are notions of those around you, they can eat your dust. Why succumb to the insecurities and intolerance of such small-minded people? Don't let it dictate your life; if you do so to please others, they will never be pleased. The sad reality is that people will always find things to criticize, things to talk about, things to misconstrue. What you do to please one group of people, will likely disappoint another. You will never win and only you will ever pay the price for it. Is it worth the sacrifice; jumping through hoops just for the approval of a group of people who are unlikely to have your best interest at heart to begin with? Think of those who actually matter, those whose happiness are directly linked to your own. Those people will want the best of you regardless of whether they agree or not, because they love and support you no matter what.

The truth of the matter is I am no better than any other schmuck, unless he eats babies or something. Everyone walking this Earth has a story that you don't know about, a story that made them who they are, who they will become. Each person's life has formed them as a person, and we must respect that. We are all different in so many ways, but I bet there are a lot more ways we are similar if we think about it. A beautiful initiative started by Brandon Stanton called "Humans of New York" shows exactly that and so much more (now sponsored by the UN on a journey of 10 countries to raise awareness for the United Nations Millennium Development Goals). As hard as it is to respect the difference in those who are very different, I try, knowing full well that I am unlikely to be paid similar respect. At least I can say I tried, and I will continue to try, until someone threatens to eat my babies.

The Value of Vulnerability

Many people view vulnerability as a sign of weakness, but I see it as incredibly human. It is not possible for us to be 'strong' all hours of the day for starters. Doing so may lead to a major crash and burn. I feel we sometimes expect too much of ourselves, myself included. We're always told to 'be strong' or 'toughen up'. But there are times when shit just hits the fan and you need to allow yourself to break; the sooner you break, the sooner you can build yourself up again. Holding it back will only make it fester and grow inside into an ugly monster that will slowly, but surely, consume you.

I find a little vulnerability goes a long way, even in every day life. It makes you more accessible. I actually believe that I have landed jobs by allowing myself to be vulnerable. It comes off more genuine than a false bravado, and I'd like to believe people appreciate that. I know I do. However allow me to highlight the difference between showing vulnerability and being downright needy; I find needy people to be one of the most off-putting because they are constantly looking for someone else to fix them rather than attempting to fix themselves. It's a viscous cycle that is set up to fail because they are so dependent on others to prop them up, and no one can possibly do that constantly for someone else. And down in the dumps they go until they find another poor soul to latch on to for support.

Know and understand your limitations; accept that there are things beyond your control and more importantly, have faith. Things may be bad today but they won't be bad every day. Rather than hiding from the world in your moment of weakness, trust that people will not eat you alive for it, especially those near and dear to you. The longer you hide from the world, the deeper into the pit of despair you go until one day it is too difficult to climb out. Allow yourself to be vulnerable around those you love and love you. Reach out and let them know you need them. More importantly, do not turn them away when they sense something and reach out to you instead. They are reaching out because they care, but they will not reach out forever. If someone in need reaches out, I don't think anything would hurt more than to turn them away in whatever fashion. Which is why perhaps people tend to shy away from the whole thing out of fear that in their time of need, no one will be there for them, and that is a harsh reality to face at a time like that. I have honestly have found solace in the most unlikely places, even from honest, well-intentioned strangers who were at the right place at the right time.

I personally get upset when I try reaching out to someone I know is down with no success. I understand it may be hard, but the way I see it, if you're not ready to come out just say so, but promise you will let me know once you're ready. When I make a genuine effort with someone, this is me being vulnerable to allow you to feel comfortable doing the same. More often than not it works. But when it doesn't, it really hurts. Some say I get over-sensitive about it and I tried to understand why. I am beginning to think that showing someone you care for them is in itself a form of vulnerability. So when you extend a helping hand and you come back with a handful of shit, it's not very nice. But then again, when you successfully get a response, it is incredibly rewarding and humbling. So I put up with the odd handful of shit every once in a while knowing that it will be worth it every other time.

What I find very strange is that I see this mostly with couples. A lot of people refuse to be vulnerable towards their significant other, which I think is preposterous. However, I do understand why, and it is a sad reality. It is not easy giving another person so much power over you. They know you love them, and they supposedly love you too, you two know each other well enough to know what buttons to push, and there is a speck of fear that one of you will push those buttons. So what ends up happening is they guard themselves against each other for fear of getting hurt, which I think is incredibly sad and no way to live. 

It begs the question; if you are constantly in fear that the person you are with may hurt you with what he/she knows will destroy you, are you with the right person? Or is it something that lovers must always endure?

Is the solution to never be vulnerable around each other? Or are we doomed to experience the pain it may cause?

I, for one, have tired of trying to constantly appear strong and in control. A little vulnerability does go a long way, and I have been able to truly connect with some of the most truly interesting and genuine people because of it. It is an immensely gratifying feeling, almost addictive, and I truly feel there is real value in that kind of connection which is very much worth letting your guard down around the right people. With time, you will be able to detect who those people are in a heartbeat. 

Be A Man

What does it mean to be a man?

What do I perceive as manly qualities?

I began to delve into this topic and found myself conflicted. Ideally, I know that today's idea of a 'man' is greatly deformed, but I find myself drawn to those stereotypical qualities. 

So I took some time to rid myself of these preconceived notions and start afresh. 

What do I, myself, see to be a man?

Humanity. First and foremost. On the most basic level, I don't want to sense there is a difference between man and woman. We are all human before we start to break ourselves down into groups and races and nationalities. When I see a man and sense he stands before me as a human, and views those around him as fellow humans, I can then perhaps describe him as a 'man'. 

Empathy. Being able to feel and try to understand what goes on within and beyond. There is something robotic and frightening about someone who is unable to feel for anyone other than themselves, if they feel at all. Although, not giving into feeling is promoted as a manly quality, it is this very trait that gives birth to dominating, abusive, egocentric, even violent and evil men. There is comfort being in the company of a man who allows himself to feel, and also be felt. It is not easy to be that vulnerable but it is beautiful and refreshing to see, and humbling to be able to see that side. 

Humility. Man's greatest downfall is the ego. How it manages to get so self-inflated sometimes is beyond me. There's nothing more unappealing then egocentricity. Not to say one should be insecure, that is probably slightly less unappealing than a big ego. Confidence is important. Being able to recognize your self worth and believe in your ability is crucial. But don't taint that confidence by making yourself the center of the world. The world is vast, you are but a tiny speck, but you are a speck nonetheless. 

Authenticity. Being open, honest and sincere by default. No ulterior motives. No hidden agendas or meanings. Oh how simpler the world would be if people allowed themselves to be genuine.  

Loyalty. Not to a a particular family, faction, flag or faith. Loyal to those around you, those directly involved in your life, those who deserve it. Loyalty to your values, ideals and beliefs (key word being your). Being able to consider more than just yourself, your wants and needs. 

Commitment. When you say something, you mean it. When you do something, you get it done. Being 'a man of your word'. Not to be an overachiever, but to know and understand your abilities and your limits. Know what needs to be done and what it is you can do to get there. Know when to draw the line and when to push forward. Know that giving up should not be an option unless all other options have been exhausted. 

Responsibility. Towards your fellow man. Towards your planet. Towards yourself. Towards your loved ones. Having a deep sense of duty and living up to it. You are accountable for your words and your actions so bloody act like it.

Kindness. Such an underrated quality but it goes such a long way. Be kind to those around you. Be kind to total strangers. Don't underestimate the importance of being a gentleman in the true sense of the word. Not in an effort to get laid, just for the sake of being a decent human being.

Respect. Before you demand respect, make sure you deserve it. It would be a start to respect others; their thoughts, beliefs, ideas, actions, even if they may conflict with yours. Who are you to judge? As long as they do not harm you then what reason do you have to disrespect them?

As I go over the list in my mind I realize these very attributes are universal. They are not limited to a single gender. Nor should they be. Man, woman, we should not be measured any differently. Going through this was a healthy exercise for me. Not only did I compile a list of what I look for, it is a list of qualities I aspire to embody. I imagine the list is subject to expand and/or change, but it's a start.

Oh men of the world, before you go pounding your chest and grunting, rethink what it is beyond your anatomy that truly makes you a man. And ladies, start to appreciate these qualities a little more. Get it out of your head that the bad boy will somehow be good for you. It's in the name, he will be bad for you, and this boy will be no 'man'. 

Do, Love, Hope to be Happy

This is going to be a bit of a digression, even more so than usual. It may be a little grim, but it is something that has been on my mind for a while now and needs some sort of outlet.

For the most part of my life, I've been quite sheltered from the world. Not by design of course, I was just born into a bubble. To the untrained eye we actually seemed quite worldly, but in truth it was all quite superficial. It wasn't the fault of anyone in particular, just a result of the bubble that no one was really aware of. We traveled a lot, but we traveled in our bubble. It wasn't a veil of ignorance, because we were not ignorant of the world; just the bubble. This bubble was more of a filter; a very rosy, pretty filter. Whatever was beyond the bubble seemed lovely. The extent of our woes was within the confines of this very bubble. So I grew up with a slight disconnect to the world.

It wasn't until I moved away that I distanced myself completely. The bubble came with me of course, but I left with an open heart and an open mind which made the bubble very weak. I knew there was more to the world. I knew there was more to what I have been accustomed to believe. I knew that the dodgy looking man with piercings all over his face was not necessarily a threat. I knew that the homeless woman humming to herself, cracking jokes at passersby was not going to bite me and give me hepatitis. I knew that the skinhead in the hoodie was not going to kick me in the shin and steal my purse. I knew that the friendly, chatty cab driver was not going to steer off course and kidnap me. Some may say I am naive, but it reinforced my faith in humanity, and I have had some of the most interesting - albeit fleeting - encounters because of it. Strangers are not a threat by default, I don't know when that happened either. In my 25 years of life, there are countless displays of strangers' kindness and zero danger. With odds like that, what reason do I have to change my supposedly naive ways?

As I was experiencing the world at an individual level, my mind was also opened to the world on a global scale, even historical scale. That is where things got dark. That is when the unanswerable questions started flooding in. That is when my newly found faith in humanity was in question. I didn't know what to believe anymore. It gave birth to the conspiracy theorist in me. I couldn't take anything at face value anymore. Either way, whatever I chose to believe would leave me paralyzed. I would feel helpless. All this injustice, all these lives lost, all the greed, all the famine, all the woes of the world would overwhelm me and leave me totally numb. People say there are small ways you can help. People say if you want change, you should get up and do it yourself. But the logical rationale of the conspiracy theory formula would just dismiss every suggestion; all this, to what end? The ugliness will still remain. And it was a hard pill to swallow when, at the individual level, I was experiencing a beautiful side to life. We are all victims of this ugly, unjust world, some painfully more than others, but we don't hold it against each other. Yes, it did remind me of the ugliness of the world from time to time and the paralysis would take over, but I have come to accept that it will never go away.

Although my position on life is subject to change, right now I am beginning to believe that the world is beyond help; whether by design or by divine purpose. Someone else may be able to figure out a way to heal the world, and I truly pray to see that day, but I am not holding my breath. That person is not me, though. I like to see myself as a realistic idealist; if I can't make it ideal, I gotta be real. If history has taught me anything, it is the sad fact that there is ugliness in the world and no revolution of thought or peoples will ever really change it. We always seem to be replacing one demon with another. For every change for good, someone else somewhere else is paying the price for it somehow. That is the state of the world in equilibrium I suppose. The good do not always prevail. Evil sometimes - if not a lot of the time - can win the race too. The amount of great minds that the world has witnessed I believe may have reached the same conclusion. They were only ever celebrated posthumously. And for all the praise, they probably got just as much criticism. These great thinkers were rarely ever doers; some would follow the herd for the sake of survival while others were ostracized by force or by choice.

Now, I just want to be happy. That is my ultimate goal in life. Not in the selfish, insatiable way; I want to be content. People make me happy. Working, eating, traveling, smiling, laughing, learning, growing, creating moments and memories with people make me happy. Seeing people happy makes me happy. Making people happy makes me even happier. I just want to live surrounded by the people I love and hopefully love me in return. I want to try to spread that happiness to anyone I come in contact with. Like the song says; the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. 

“Rules for Happiness: 

something to do,

someone to love,

something to hope for.”

-Immanuel Kant

Viva La Gynarchy

Control is a big issue, at least it is to me. Some people fight for it and some people surrender to it. I feel one should never attempt to control a man who does not want to be controlled; if you fail you will pay the price for it dearly, but if you succeed you will have a broken man. And this goes both ways. Don't try to control a woman, even though some women believe they are to be controlled, or you feel compelled to do so because you insist they do not know better. It is never okay to be in control of another human in any case and in any situation, not just romantically. Let there be mutual respect for each other's individuality, no one likes to be played like a video game even if over time they have become content to just that. I find it more than a little demeaning, and mankind should be able to evolve past that by now.

I noticed that our Arabian culture still holds the belief that women are helpless, fragile little beings, that it is the man's duty and right to be involved in every decision pertaining to her life (that is if he doesn't just do the deciding for her). And it is the woman's duty to forgive and accept the man's shortcomings and fuck-ups, and do so without complaint. It baffles me how often society allows men to get away with murder yet scrutinizes women's every action. Even when we know it's wrong, we still keep that in mind. "Be careful taking this or that step because you know people will never blame him, they will blame you". It's a reality we can clearly see is flawed yet it is one we accept nevertheless.

It was Sigmund Freud who introduced us to the structural model of the mind, splitting it into three major functions; Id, Ego and Superego. Id is the impulsive nature we are born with which instinctively drives us to get what we need and want with little to no regard to much else. In my head I imagine the perfect example can be seen in the character Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: "I want it NOW!". Or even Augustus Gloop who didn't bother demanding, he just went for it! Ego is the rational part (could we say moral?) that develops as we grow to consolidate the destructive nature of blindly going after everything we desire. I think what could sum it up nicely is to say WWJD: what would Jesus do? Or Mohammed, or Moses, or whoever. Point isn't to model your actions according to someone else's teachings as much as it is to learn from them and be able to recognize right from wrong in order to better control the thoughts in your mind. Superego is the bitch here. While I would much rather see people ask themselves "what would Jesus think?" (or Mohammed or Moses etc), Superego is what Freud believes to be the part of our mind which asks "what would people say?!", constantly strives for social acceptance and perfection in doing so. The Ego, in part, is meant to consolidate both Id and Superego rationally, the aim being to develop the Ego so much so that one has better control of their own thoughts and actions. The imbalance of the Id and Superego supposedly results in mental instability and mental illness. I must say though, the Superego in this part of the world has grown far and beyond the reach of the Ego, and with it the Id driving us towards conspicuous consumption. What is meant to be the most important part of your individual mind is instead prisoner to your desires and societal standards, creating an imbalance which further proves my belief that this society is mentally ill.

But I constantly ask: why? Why do we give in to such a ridiculously outrageous double standard. Instead of eradicating it, we are allowing this phenomenon to grow and fester by playing along. Half the society doesn't care because this double standard works in their favor. It is the women who are the victims here, but also the perpetrators. We can never expect this to change if we don't actively change it ourselves, at least in how we think and treat this absurdity. Are we waiting around for men to so generously adjust the status quo (if so, it would likely be on their terms)? Do you really think that is ever gonna happen? Historically, globally, has a man ever been the one to fight for women's rights? I say this with the slight fear that it has happened, but even if it did I doubt it was done without an agenda! Yes, we have male supporters....and what?

What riles me up are the naive, brainwashed chicks who just ruin it for everybody. They claim they like things the way they are. They claim it makes their lives easier not having the responsibility to make their own decisions, not being expected to do anything of great importance. Even the meager tasks they are left with, they fail at miserably. You lazy, robotic, can't-think-for-yourself, waste-of-a-life fuckers. Go die. Please. And the men in their lives who planted that very idea in their heads should also go die a slow, painful death.

I know there are women who still think this way because they just don't know any better. This way of life is the only way they know. Even if you give them a choice, they would want to keep things as they are just out of shear fear of the unknown. I don't fault them for that, I sympathize. Just don't impose it on the rest of us. You don't have to change anything, just please allow us the chance to. You don't approve? Tough cookies.

I'm sorry, I can't be unbiased about this. I apologize for being a bit harsh, but this just pisses me off. So much so that I am unable to be reasonable about it. I'm sick of living in a patriarchal society which aims at putting women down, making them feel less capable, when I firmly believe women can do a far better job at running things if we had the chance. And we'd look fabulous doing it too. Those women who wish to avoid the responsibility of being in control of their own lives will soon feel how empowering it is to not have to depend on a man, and how much easier life would be then. Don't wait around for a man, get up and do it yourself! Viva la gynarchy!

Introspection/Outrospection

This talk/video has to be one of my favorite RSA Animates. If you take nothing from this but this talk, even if you don't read beyond this point, I would be happy so long as this video gets out there. The concept of empathy is such a powerful one, and this shows just how broadly the concept can be applied. And there was a point made that hit home for me:

There is no introspection without outrospection

It is no secret that I am a huge advocate of introspection/self-reflection, even self-love. Being honest with yourself about your thoughts and emotions is essential - if not necessary -  to know where you yourself stand in this world, not where you are told to stand or even where you are merely placed. But it is true that in this day and age that cannot happen without outrospection. If we are not open to the world we cannot truly understand who we are. We cannot delve deep into our souls in total isolation and expect to enrich our lives in the process. We need to look outside ourselves also to further enhance our lives; not to look in search for something to cling onto but to open ourselves up. We need to understand what goes on around us just as much as we need to understand what goes on within.

More and more I find that there is little value given to true human relationships; simply bonding with fellow humans on a pure, honest, genuine level. Even when we are close to experiencing it, we hesitate, we turn away, we build walls and fortresses out of fear that it is not the norm. But it is, at least it should be. People do focus (not so well) on familial relationships, professional relationships, romantic/marital relationships but we need more. A lot more. 

“The things we need most are the things we have become most afraid of, such as adventure, intimacy, and authentic communication. We avert our eyes and stick to comfortable topics. We hold it as a virtue to be private, to be discreet, so that no one sees our dirty laundry. We are uncomfortable with intimacy and connection, which are among the greatest of our unmet needs today. To be truly seen and heard, to be truly known, is a deep human need. Our hunger for it is so omnipresent, so much a part of our life experience, that we no more know what it is missing than a fish knows it is wet. We need more intimacy than nearly anyone considers normal. Always hungry for it, we seek solace and sustenance in the closest available substitutes: television, shopping, pornography, conspicuous consumption — anything to ease the hurt, to feel connected, or to project an image by which we might be seen or known, or at least see and know ourselves.”

Charles Eistenstein, 

Sacred Economics

People think of the word 'intimacy' and blush, referring to bedroom antics as intimacy. But it's so much more than that, and should go well beyond a single room with a single person. Creating a strong bond with a fellow human on any level is what makes life worth living. Even fleeting connections with mere strangers could be just as powerful. And I believe simply being able to have such strong, powerful, lasting connections with people is an accomplishment because it doesn't come easily. It actually takes work and requires a lot of trust and openness that not many people are ready to give. I feel people rarely invest in relationships that are not romantic, expecting all their human needs to be met by a single relationship with a single person. Even when they do, they feel the need to make it romantic thinking having a connection like that with someone could only be such. But I'm here to tell you it is not. Don't let such ideas cloud your judgement either. It's almost as if we have been conditioned to believe that having a closeness with someone is rare and eventually turns physical, leaving many to believe having close friends of the opposite sex is 'dangerous' for this very reason. I strongly beg to differ. We need to rid ourselves of such ridiculous and archaic preconceived notions. Clear our minds of such ideas, go forth with an open mind and an open heart, then we can truly understand our limitless capacity to love. That's when our empathetic nature truly thrives.

The thing is, even the relationships we do have, we do not give enough of ourselves. We don't put nearly enough effort into it, we expect it to just fall onto our laps. Every relationship requires a little work. As you give, so shall you receive. You cannot expect your friend to always be there for you when you are never there for them. You cannot expect your parents to love you unconditionally if you do not love, respect, and take care of them in return. You cannot expect your children to grow to take care of you in your old age if you did not love and nurture them as their parent. You cannot expect a spouse to cater to your every whim if you never consider theirs. (Read about how this man came to that conclusion after nuptials and kids. Better late than never!)

When two people meet and find that initial spark, they foolishly think that this chemistry continues to react forever. The way I see it, that reaction is a result of the state each person is in upon meeting, basically both being what the other had been wanting to find. Having found that person, the spark from the first chemical reaction is gone. The 'state' of each person has changed, creating a new compound altogether. Rather than trying to figure out what new chemical reaction might occur, how to deal with it, if it requires any catalysts for a better reaction, they just stubbornly want EXACTLY what they had before. If we want to approach it scientifically, it's impossible to relive that initial spark so long as they are now a 'compound' (and remain so). That infatuation is what attracted you in the first place, and that is the main role of infatuation. Infatuation could just describe what happens as a result of the pheromones released. If we were to continue with the chemistry analogy, infatuation would be that electromagnetic force that initially creates the chemical bond.

Armed with the misconception that the spark must last, some people may search to recreate it elsewhere. Chasing what is essentially a fleeting emotion rarely ever stops at one person as this cyclical search continues every time the spark begins to fade. We need to redefine what it is we are expecting to feel, be it 'love' or whatever you want to call it. We need to have a more realistic understanding of it, and consequently more realistic expectations. We need that radical social change to take shape on a large scale so that we can all live a little better, be a little happier. Everyone deserves to be happy, and it is within reach.....so long as we revolutionize how we choose to view and experience human relationships on any and every level. No biggie...

Finally, I would like to share with you something I personally feel is the most fascinating, bizarre and potentially revealing thing I ever came across in our dear World Wide Web. A 76-year-long study followed 268 Harvard graduates from 1937 in the longest-running longitudinal study to determine the factors which affect human (adult) development. Turns out, what matters most in life are warm human relationships. That also had a positive effect on almost every other aspect of one's life from health to professional success. George Vaillant, the study's most recent director, said one thing he learned from this study is:“That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people". Don't wait 76 years to come to that realization when you could have spent it being happy.